What's with all the single women?

I am thinking about single women.

There are a lot of them I am meeting, in this socially-conscious-sustainability-progressive community I am in.

Amazing women.

Powerful, smart, courageous, clever, sassy, attractive.

And all of them single!

I keep thinking about them, because I was one of them for a long time. Friends told me that my standards were too high, that I’d never meet someone who met them, that perhaps I wasn’t cut out to be in a relationship. My mother told me that I should pretend to be less smart so a man wouldn’t be threatened. I ignored her. I ignored them. And I ended up being together now fifteen years with the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Who, incidentally, surpassed my standards. By quite a bit.

So why me, and not these other women?

Or more importantly, perhaps: what the heck is going on that these amazing women are all single?! 

I put this together with what the Dalai Lama said: “The world will be saved by western women.”

But if all these women are coping with life/rent/mortgage/laundry/hangovers/illnesses just with the support of their friends but no mate –

 - then how the heck are we gonna save the world?!?

So what’s going on?

Because what these women are needing – assuming they want a partner, which I’m pretty sure they do – is support. A friend once described it as “having someone else to hold up the sky sometimes”, which I think is an apt description.  Someone to come home to at the end of the day, who still loves you even when you collapse into a ball of pathetic-ness because you used up all your energy being incredibly brave at your job all day, changing the world and generally being a super-heroine (as these women all are! I mean, truly, these women ROCK and you know who you are).

We women have had decades now of liberation, movements, therapy, support groups, feminist theory, etc. etc. etc. We have been evolving out of our former allotted roles at a rate that would be envied by viruses. We have been part of a movement of change for several generations now. As I told my daughter this morning, grandma didn’t have nearly as many choices as you or I about who she could be or what she could do.

One way Ian evolves... (Photo Joe Menth)

But men. Who’s been helping them evolve? I mean, really, they’ve been blamed quite a bit, as a gender. Not without reason, historically. But they’ve been left kind of high and dry on the evolve-into-a-new-kind-of-being support scale. You only have to look at the nearest playground to see boys being peer-pressured into the same limited behaviours as they have been forever.

Lately I have been meeting some great men who are completely giving me hope for the future of man-kind. (You know who you are).  So I can see that things are starting to change.

BUT WHY AREN’T THEY GETTING TOGETHER WITH THESE ROCKING WOMEN?

I think it’s because the old stereotypes live on underneath.

It used to be: the powerful man had the supportive woman.

Most women are still, underneath, looking for a man to be stronger, protective, ambitious, bigger.

Most men are still, underneath – no matter how evolved they think they are – still really looking for the little woman, in some way. Are threatened by a woman fully in her own power. (Sorry guys, I see this a lot still).

It’s nobody’s fault. It comes from thousands, millions of years of enculturation. And this amazing-single-woman thing is a trend, a symptom of being in the middle of the process of change. One day, the guys will catch up.

In the meantime? I hope men will start letting go of needing to be the Big Important One in the relationship with a Little Lady, and honour the awesomeness of powerful women.

And I hope women will start looking for someone who’s going to support them in their amazingess.

What do you think?

Happy Holidays

On this solstice/Christmas/holiday season, I want to share with you a Yuletide song, a prayer for ourselves and the planet. But for that, I'm going to have you click over to A Yule Prayer Song to download it (free! we love free!). It's cool - you can load it into your mp3 player and stick it on repeat and play the prayersong over and over, spiralling the magic of it through you and into the world.

Thank you for being on the path of spirit and art, however you follow it. I am grateful to know you all, grateful that the means exist for us to share our discoveries.

Happy holidays,

In gratitude,

Vanessa

Download the free Yule Song here.

How a Myth Can Change the World

During the Copenhagen climate change conference, I am looking at the energetic underpinnings of the problems in the world.

I work with the energies underlying patterns. I look at the root, core movement of things to discover where the true lever of change lies.  And I do magic to move that lever in the right direction.

If we only work at the level of surface reality (politics, policies), and never challenge the underlying stories and myths that have driven us for millennia, the face of the policies and powers may change, but the dynamic of profiting from cruelty will not.

When I look at the energetic underpinnings of the problems in the world today, I see a wave of cruel, destructive energy that seems rampant and unstoppable.

It calls to me the story of Pandora’s box.

Pandora Got a Bum Rap

In brief: Pandora has a box, and she’s told not to open it, but she’s so curious she can’t help but open it. And all the evils of the world are released. Only hope remains in the box.

That’s what it feels like, when I look deep beneath the world’s problems: it’s like somebody unleashed evils upon the world.

So I went back and read up about the Pandora myth. And I found some things that surprised me:

First of all, the name Pandora means “all-giver”.

Secondly, “box” is a mistranslation. She actually had a jug.

Let us think about her name and her jug for a second, before we get to the myth as we know it.

She is an all-giver with a jug.

Jugs of course are for carrying water. And water is life. We look for water on Mars because if there is water there is life. The mythic jug represents the source of life. Pandora is the all-giver source of life.

The Goddess who is the source of all.

How the Goddess Became the Villain

The first known writings about Pandora are by the ancient Greek Hesiod. According to Hesiod, Pandora was not a goddess. Hesiod says that Pandora was the first mortal woman. To boot, she was responsible for all the evils of mankind when she opened this jug of hers.

Therefore, he concludes, all women are to blame for the ills of the world.

How do we get from Pandora being the bountiful giver-of-all, source of everything, to being the cause of the evils in the world?

And if you check in any history, book, you quickly see that the people out doing evil on a grand scale have pretty much always been men.

So Hesiod’s revisionist Pandora story is beginning to look like a shell game.

Hesiod split Pandora’s gift in two. She used to be the giver of everything. A Goddess of multiplicity – the source of all that is.

But Hesiod split “everything” into “good” and “evil” and left poor Pandora only with the “evil”.

So, to recap: here I am, looking at the energetic underpinnings of the great problems of the world, and I see a Pandora’s-box kind of energy there.

And at the heart of that story is the gifts of the all-giving Goddess being split in two:

Evil and good.

The Rift in our Myth

It strikes me that the heart of the source of our problems is in fact this dualism. Dualistic thinking.

Separating “everything” into “good” and “bad”.

Us vs. them.

Winners vs. losers.

Mind vs. body.

Humans vs. the earth.

Nations picking sides in conflicts.

It's already changing

But there are signs everywhere I look that we are leaving dualism behind.

We are seeing that we have to work together to save our climate, to save humanity. There is no more “us” and “them”.

Kids are thinking in multiplicities. They talk, text, watch videos and surf simultaneously. This is how they are thinking.

All around us we are mixing more and more our heritages. Most people I know are “mutts” of one kind or another. Soon there will be no more “white” and “black”.

Science shows us that the air I breathe out is the air someone in Africa breathes in. Molecules from me become molecules in you.

Men are honouring more feminine qualities in themselves; women are doing things only men used to do. Some people identify as multiple genders.

We are entering the age of multiplicity. Not either/or but both/all. Ambi/Omni.

And I say Pandora is getting her “all” back.

Let's Heal the Rift

Let us heal the fracture caused by Hesiod’s dualitistic thinking.

Let’s honour Pandora as the source of all.

Sing with me: Pandora, you are the giver of all.

Pandora’s fractured jug is healed by these words.

By this song, the river of evil that is said to have come from her jug is bound together with all-that-is. Diluted. United. Integrated.

Myths are powerful. The myth of women-as-the-cause-of-evil was used to oppress women for millennia. Let us revise the Pandora myth again. Let us say, we are all in this together. We are all one. Dualistic thinking was a shell game. Pandora is the all-giving goddess of the earth, and everything on this planet – you, me, George Bush – are a part of her.

And so comes the healing of the world.

And the healing of me and you. 

How Your Imagination Can Change the World

Every single creation of humanity began in the imagination.

It all starts with a story.

I have tasked myself with the creative imagining of a world in which humanity thrives in balance with the planet. I am self-identified storyteller of the New Story.

My work lies in the field of imagination. My heart and soul tell me that humanity can and will change, and that there is hope for us. These days, it seems to me to require a certain kind of courage to have hope. But first, all that’s needed is imagination.

These are the early beginnings of my imaginative exploration of this world, and I invite you to share in its storytelling. I ask you, rather than looking for inconsistencies or impossibilities in my story – and I am sure there are many – that you look instead for possibilities and for opportunities to imagine.

Can you imagine this world with me?

You are walking in the city. Every car, bus and truck that passes is quiet and emits no pollution into the air at all. As a result you can breathe the fresh air of the trees, flowers and vegetables grown in urban farms you pass.

There is barely any garbage in the street at all, because there are barely any things that can turn into garbage: everything that we make is contained within a cycle of re-use of all materials. There are no extraneous materials that cannot be reincorporated into something else, because everything we make and use has been designed that way. To be completely recyclable.

Factories – where things are made – emit no pollution into the atmosphere. Their by-products are recycled and used by other industries. Everywhere you look there are alternative forms of energy in use: windmills, solar panels, sources of power we haven’t ever imagined before.

Our rivers are coming back, the fish are growing healthy again because we are not overfishing. Everyone is mostly vegetarian, because when there are many of us on the planet we know that we must each tread lightly, and being vegetarian is much lighter a footprint than eating meat.

There are methods of transportation over vast distances that do not have the carbon footprint of airplanes. We were able to discover and implement them because governments in the world realized that these inventions were crucial to our survival, and had to be funded, supported, and encouraged to thrive. And so they did.

We are no longer spending all our money on wars over resources. Humanity has learned the difficult lesson that survival requires co-operation, not competition. When everything is kept within a cycle of reusing, there is no scarcity of resources. Your garbage is your goldmine. Just as the excrement of the animal nourishes the plants which emit oxygen which the animals breathe, so have humans learned to behave.

There is universal health care and education. Most countries in the world are now peaceful and prosperous. And prosperity is defined by the good standard of living of all inhabitants and their health and happiness, and the peace in which they live. A prosperous nation is no longer one that grows in wealth at the expense of its own citizens, or of those in foreign countries.

This is a world where, in order to survive, you must care about the ramifications of everything you do. This practice has habituated us to act in the long-term interest of all beings. We have become used to making sure there were no negative impacts from our materials use, and that has taught us to behave in ways that do no harm to anyone or anything. Peace has followed. Peace between neighbours, peace between countries, peace in our hearts, because before, underneath, we always knew we could do better in our actions.

We are that powerful

This blog is subtitled “Art, Life and World Transformation” and yet I haven’t talked about world transformation here, until now. So far my articles have been about the transformation of my personal and artistic life. The imagining process I speak of in this article is no different than the methods I have used to imagine my life into the beautiful form it is now.

We are that powerful. We can choose to imagine a world where humanity thrives.

This is an early story – or perhaps the germ of an idea of a story – of what it will look like when we succeed. Let it live in your imagination for a while. Allow it to gestate and reform. Permit a vision of a happy, thriving future for humanity and the planet to percolate in your being.  Allow yourself – even just a part of yourself – to imagine that it might be true, that the imagination itself might be so powerful. Because it can.

And then imagine what it will look like through your eyes. And begin to tell the story your way.

As we each begin to tell and share this New Story of ours, it can fire the imagination of others, as so may it become a living story, shared between us.

Every single creation of humanity began in the imagination.

It all starts with a story.

Unleashing your deepest, strongest power

This is a time when the feminine is increasingly being called and welcomed back into the world.

Women are occupying ever greater positions of power. Little girls in our society generally have no conception that there is something they can’t do. Men are opening up to previous taboos like: childrearing, doing housework, showing emotion, eschewing violence. The earth – the ultimate feminine energy – is crying so loudly for our attention that Her voice is in the news daily – and all around the world people are calling out that we must pay attention to her. We must pay attention to the feminine.

The rise of feminine power has everything to do with old women

Today I got my hair cut and thought again about my decision to go grey two years ago. “If I dye it brown again, I will look much younger, “ I thought. It feels weird to look in the mirror and see a “grey-haired lady”.

The story we are told is: get older, lose power. We’re silently told: “Fear getting older, girls! Fear becoming invisible, unimportant, cast off, a bag lady! The worst thing that can happen to you is to lose your looks, remember that every time you look in the mirror after 35!”

But what actually happened when I let my hair go grey? People whom I didn’t know started treating me with respect, as though I had something valuable to say and as if I was powerful. Men started giving me appreciative glances (which had been pretty rare before, let me tell you!). People I did know started saying how fabulous I look. I had a sense of myself as a powerful, capable woman.

In essence, I gained status by going grey. The paradigm is changing.

The change is happening very quickly

My Lebanese grandmother was forced into an arranged marriage to a man she hated who was twenty years her senior.

My mother, unlike her mother, was free to marry whom she chose. Her boss however told her that she was never going to rise at work because she was female. 

(That's my mom on the right)

I, on the other hand, was raised with the knowledge that I could be anything I want to be and can marry whomever I choose.

Women have feared getting older because it has meant losing that little power we had – our sexual power. But things are changing. Women are more powerful in the western world than ever before. Maybe we don’t need to fear getting older as women. Maybe we can look forward to it!

For the first time in thousands of years, some of the leaders in our society are also grandmothers. Leaders who have borne babies in their wombs, and watched those babies bear babies. Leaders who will be very concerned, not just for the current generations, but for the ones to come.

When I think of it, grandmothers are the perfect leaders: they have lived a long time, they have left their hormonal motivations largely behind, they know the value of life because they have nurtured it with their breasts and with their hands.

All of which leads me to these questions:

What if the inner struggle with our bodies -  that all woman share in different ways - is in fact a symptom of the suppression of the divine feminine? And what if it is more specifically the suppression of the divine elder feminine? The feminine energy that has nothing to do with our sexual appeal, and everything to do with our wisdom and loving kindness?

What if I lived in a culture that honoured elder women? What would it feel like to know I was now entering into their esteemed company?

What if I unleashed that crone power in me? A power that has been chained up, devalued and mocked for centuries?

Can I fearlessly claim my fullest, deepest power? Can I be that powerful, and loving and kind?

An unleashing the inner goddess ceremony

 

You need: a long ribbon and some scissors.

Bind the ribbon around your hands

As you tie the knot in the ribbon, say:

            This ribbon and this knot

            are the chains upon my divine feminine spirit

            as all men and women have had this spirit bound

            Today I cut these bonds

            and allow my feminine divinity free

            may she be powerful

            may she be strong

            may she be kind

            may she be abundant

            may she always act for the benefit of seven generations to come

            may she be free

Now cut the ribbon and say:

            As the divine feminine rises up in me

            May I see her divinity

            honour her

            bow to her

            allow her her freedom

            I allow her her freedom

Warning: your inner female divinity may be a little cranky for having been bound so long. Be patient. J

mandala by Erin Dragonsong (psst she has a cool make-your-own mandala e-book.)

Why Are We Happy?

We think we want a lot of choice in our lives. We modern folk think we are happy that we are free to have so many choices, compared to our forebears.

But what if all our choices are making us less happy? Could that really be true?

This seems to be a conclusion from a study by Daniel Gilbert on the relationship between happiness and choice.

I was watching a video of Gilbert’s TED talk, “Why Are We Happy?” In his talk, Gilbert tells us about two tests on happiness that he conducted. In the first test, he had two classes of students working on individual projects.  At the end of the session, each student had two large photographs they had to choose from.  In Class A, each student was told they could keep one photograph, and the other would be taken away, forever, no second chances. Class B had to make a similar decision, but they had a week to change their mind. Gilbert discovered that, regardless of the choice Class B made – whether they changed their minds or not – Class B was ultimately less happy with their final decision than Class A was. The class with the greater choice was less happy.

The second time that Gilbert conducts his study, he tells the students before they have selected which class they are going to take, that in one class they won’t have a chance to change their mind, and in the other class they’ll have a week to change their mind.

66% of students choose the class where they’ll be able to change their minds. As Gilbert says, 66% of the students choose the class in which they will be less happy.

Watching this video, what I saw was that the greater unhappiness of Class B was not because of too much choice but because of too much second-guessing their initial decisions. Did I make the right choice? Was that the photograph I really like the best? Maybe I should have chosen the other one. I’m going to switch back while I can. But wait, now that I have the other one, do I really like it better? Dang, should I switch back?

After watching this video I realized that I frequently second-guess the decisions I have made about what-to-do-next. As a self-employed artist/producer working from home, I have a huge amount of choice in my day. Pretty much every moment I have to figure out what I should do next. Sometimes it’s clear, as when I have a looming grant deadline. Most of the time it’s not and I have to figure it out for myself.

If I spent the morning just lolling around not really getting anything done, I would then spend time mulling and debating over whether or not I had made a mistake…was I being lazy or did I just need some quiet time to integrate things?

If I worked really hard, I’d wonder, was I getting obsessive? Did I remember to take a break? Am I going to burn myself out again like I used to?

So I conducted my own study: what would happen if I just accept whatever I have already chosen to do, leave off with the second-guessing, and just move on to the present? What if I stopped second-guessing myself? Would that reduce the occasional vague sense of dissatisfaction I experience regardless of how well things are going?

The week before I saw Gilbert’s video, I had decided that on Saturday mornings, while my husband and daughter were out at a kempo class, I would take that time to get myself into wilderness, because wilderness feeds me. Well, the day after I saw the video was Saturday. And it was pouring, drenching rain.

I spent the early morning thinking, “Oh, I don’t really want to go out in this? It’s cold and wet and I’m going to get drenched and – wait a minute, I’m second guessing myself, aren’t I?” So I went out anyway, despite my disinclination. It was of course fantastic to get into the wilds, despite the rain.

Simple, of course, but very helpful. We have more choices today than our parents did, or probably any generation before us. There aren’t a lot of tools we are given to know how to make good choices. So we second guess ourselves. I know I do. I’m going to keep practicing not second-guessing myself. As a matter of fact, I had thought this morning that I would go out and do some work in a coffee shop. But I’m writing at home. So I’m going to stop writing now and go get a coffee. Because staying here would be second guessing myself.

I feel better already.

What this has to do with art practice

Everything.

(yes, I'm writing in the coffee shop now)

You write a word, paint a brushstroke, record a vocal line.  You either second guess it or you let it be. If you second guess it - if you are anything like me - you become mired in a state of indecision. If you trust yourself enough to let it be, then that stroke/word/line is followed quickly by another, and then another. You accept all the gestures that come out of you, in a kind of compost-building, as my writing partner and I call it, which you can sift through and analyze with your critical brain later.

If you are an artist and struggling with your inner critic, who is interfering with getting anything out there, who is blocking you or impinging on your creativity in any way, instead of fighting to defeat the critic, just say, “I’ll be critical of this later, all at once, when it’s all out, all the compost has been created. Right now I won’t even look at it, I’ll let it be and I won’t go back until later, when I’m done with the output phase.”

That way the critic doesn’t have a chance to interfere. I won't even look at what I’ve just done – not a single glance at it – until later, when I’m done creating the first draft/version/layer.

It’s amazing how useful that (formerly nasty) little inner critic can be when faced with a pile of steaming compost, lush with nutrients and possibilities. It can sift through and find the gems, the good bits, wash off the stuff that isn’t useable (or paint another layer on top, or save into an old draft version).

I have learned to do this with my art, already. Now I’m learning to do it with the art that is my life.

No second guessing.

Images: 
Daniel Gilbert's book Stumbling on Happiness
Portrait of Daniel Gilbert
My painting of the woods at Harrison Hotsprings
Inner critic

Learning to Change Before Life Forces You To

Change is uncomfortable. But staying stuck is also uncomfortable.

I decided, a long time ago, to change before life forced me to. I discovered that when something bad happened in my life, my willingness to change was inversely proportional to how long the bad thing stayed in my life. The faster I learn my lesson, the faster the disaster rights itself.

Changing before the universe forces me to is quite addictive. There’s this thing called happiness that keeps flying in my window whenever I do it.

All the religious precepts say: wake up yourself, it’s the best thing you can do for the world.

As I change, I discover I am also waking myself up, more and more. And more and more I have love and magic and music and words and videos to offer to the world - it’s practically pouring out of me. Because I decided to change before life forced me to.

It is completely freaking me out some days. I am vibrating with so much change I practically knock myself out just standing there. It’s exciting though – thrilling – to wake up like this.

When something bad happens, I ask myself, “What am I supposed to learn from this? What is my lesson in this?”  And then I try to learn my lesson as fast as possible – let go of my unwillingness and my resistance, and change.

Recently we heard that a major client of DreamRider’s might have large budget cuts requiring the reduction or elimination of their funding. Part of me went straight to fear; they’ve been our major client for twelve years! What if we lose them?

(I completely ignored the fact that they used to be 100% of our revenues and now our revenues have grown so much they’re only 25%).

No, I didn’t say, “Wow, I was so smart to diversify our income like that!” No, instead, I panicked and worried and went straight to “My daughter will go unfed”, etc. etc.

My friend Erin said to me, “I think you’re supposed to have faith here.” I knew she was right.  Faith – trusting the universe – is hard for me. As it is for most.

So I focused on having faith that this was all for the good, somehow. Instead of panicking, I concentrated on changing myself – refusing to go to panic, fear and worry -  and instead I paid attention to looking for what good might come of this.

And the next day a new client called confirming they were going to do business with us.

I ran ahead in the direction that life was trying to move me. Life tested me, asking, “Do you have enough faith not to panic?” I threw my habitual patterns out the window and said, “Yes.”

I offered little resistance to learning my lesson, and so the situation righted itself right away.

This happens to me all the time. It is very cool. You might like to try it yourself.  When there is a situation in your life that you do not like, ask yourself, “What am I supposed to learn from this?” And try to learn it voluntarily.

But if you don’t come up with anything, here’s a trick:  What would you hate it to be? What would be the hardest thing? What is the thing you don’t want to hear?

Because, you see, if it was something you wanted to learn, a way you wanted to change or grow, you would just do it, and then life wouldn’t have to throw you a curve ball.

It’s almost always something I wish it wasn’t.

But I am always grateful to have changed.